I didn't really want to shake Jesse Bushnell's hand.
Normally I'd be glad to, grease and all. But Jesse, whom I'd known as
someone from bike rides, from watching the spring classics in his bike
shop (The Hub, which
doubles up as a furniture shop, The Zoo),
and as one of my bike mechanics, had suddenly shot to fame as a
principal participant in this summer's most entertaining happening:
the maiden voyage of the Acorn, a replica of the US Civil War
submarine, the
Turtle.
As to where Jesse's hands had been,
this New York Times article
says it all. (Even the droll, coolly ironic tone of the article
cannot disguise the glee of a reporter assigned to a story whose copy
virtually writes itself.)
So I go down to the Hub:
(Jesse) Dude, how's it going?
(Me) You're asking me? I'm surprised to see you
still a free man.
[Grins, pauses, grins again...] Oops!
So here I am, interviewing Jesse Bushnell. What follows is a
reconstruction of a conversation; I went in with prepared questions,
but life is not a prepared activity when Jesse is around.
What's your connection with the other two?
They're both great friends. The Duke's my best friend.
Mr. Riley was recorded as emerging from the sub with a beer.
Do you think it's safe to drink and dive?
The beer was intentional! That was to thin the blood. There's a ton
of lead in that thing, so you've got to keep the blood thin, and the
alcohol does that.
Given the quote by which the nation now best knows you, I have
to ask: boxers or briefs?
Tighty-whities!
Owing to your action, do you think Alberto Gonzales would be
justified in upping the terror level to a new color code? Say up to
Celeste?
Who's that guy?
Aren't you embarassed about the lack of a propulsion
mechanism, given that you work in a bike shop?
Dude, that's what saved us! The FBI told us that if we'd had a screw,
they'd have definitely arrested us.
What's your relationship to David Bushnell?
The Duke tells me I'm related.
This unfortunately stole my next few questions, such as: was he
related to Nolan Bushnell (of Atari and Chuck E. Cheese fame);
whether, like the senior Bushnell, he too planned to migrate to making
naval mines; and whether, given that David Bushnell moved to Georgia
and adopted the name of David Bush, Jesse was also related to George
W. Bush.
Some of the other things Jesse related was how the media glare was so
intense he had to be escorted out the back door; how he got bitten by
a dog while he was in the East River, and got stung by several
jellyfish; and how the FBI descended on him. He said he was at one
point bobbing around in the sub, looking out over at the Statue of
Liberty and thinking about how cool all this was, when he saw a group
of helicopters heading directly at him and began to revise his
evaluation. When the Feds eventually got to him they asked him about
various aspects of his life, including details of the houseboat on
which he lives. He asked them how they knew about it. Their reply:
“Because we have agents on it right now.”
The last word should surely go to Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly
who, with New York sangfroid, called the Acorn the “creative
craft of three adventuresome individuals”. Give the man a medal
for his understanding that such utterly unfettered and wholly
midsdirected creativity is precisely what makes America so insanely
great.